Brody pics

Ga ga and bo Bo








Typical Brody












Nutella anyone?






No shirt, no shoes, no problem


Don't worry mommy I'll just keep your pillow warm


Mommy rides


Pony rides?


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Bronch cancelled

We all have colds so Brody will not go to the OR tomorrow. We are devastated. They can't fit him in again until May. I'm scared this may never happen. Too upset to go into any more detail. Wish I could pull the covers over my head for a day but the kids still need us.


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What's next

I know, yet again it has been a whole since I have written. I am so flattered though that when I'm sluggish there are always people checking in to make sure everyone's ok because they have been stalking for updates. So sweet to still have so many supporters.

So we have been making tons of progress in therapy with Cam. He is talking more and more ( still small "baby talk" words but close to 20), he is animated, engaged, and emotionally appropriate. He is coming out of his sensory shell more and more every day. He is enjoying food therapy ( not screaming bloody murder like in months past) and were just moving very slow and steady taking his cues. He is working so hard and I am so proud of him!!!

Brody is going in March 5 for another bronch to assess if his airway swelling is down enough to move to reconstruction. If so, they will schedule it for month or two later. There is so much riding on this one for us but I can't let myself get caught up in expectations... We will just see next Tuesday what the deal is then. In the meantime he has been put on new equipment at night to give him extra humidity to his trachea-just another measure to try to help get the tissue in the best condition it can be going into such an important procedure.

They are both such big boys and we can't wait for the weather to break so we can get them out exploring new environments and doing fun things. They are my best buds and turning into such cool little people.


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Temper tantrums and trachs

Dealing with the terrible twos times two is challenging enough but now Brody has discovered how to yank his Trach out during a fit if rage! I don't want to go to bed...yank! Ladies and gentlemen we have entered a whole new phase of living with medically challenged children... This is now something I need to consider EVERYWHERE we go! This is NOT a scene I need to be dealing with at the grocery store or in the middle of Bloomingdales! Please be kind to mommy Brody!

Mommys score of saving Brodys life... Probably close to 10!

Pics

Mummer or pimp?


Reading by himself before bed


Cruisin





Stomach virus 😷


Watching Thomas.


Sleepy


Brody's on the wedding diet too


Rockin my camo vest and teddy backpack


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Pics

Hello handsome!



I like broccoli!

What what?!


Night out!





Snow!

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Second Annual Due Date

It's been over 2 years since my traumatic preterm birth and even more traumatic aftermath and it just doesn't get any easier. Today would have been the boys due date-when they should have arrived. Today should have been their birthday. I thought as the years went on and they grew older and bigger that feeling of loss would go away but I still have a hole in my heart for the beginnings they deserved but didn't get to experience. I feel that same sense of loss for the beautiful, celebratory experience of being pregnant and the overwhelming joy that comes with delivering a happy, healthy child. I feel sorry for my kids that they have to hibernate all winter and that they can't go to birthday parties or day care. My heart aches for Brody as I watch him grow old enough to start to notice there is something different about him... I can see that he doesn't understand why he can't talk when he tries so hard?!

I am very grateful for their accomplishments and thankful for their overall health but these feelings of being "different" will always be there. I could not love more or feel more pride in my awesome little dudes, they are my best buds, but with such deep love also comes the agony of watching my children encounter huge challenges in life at such an early age. I wish their lives were easier. I wish they were healthier. I wish them less discomfort. I wish for their obstacles to become fewer as time passes.

I hope that as the years go on January 11 no longer represents a loss deep in my soul but its jusy another day on the calendar. For now, I'll have a rough night of unsettled emotions and then tomorrow I'll wake up and be Mom again.