I haven't blogged in a while because we have had our hands full. Two days ago we were called in to speak with his doctor's as Brody had some drastic changes. His lungs were almost completely collapsed and layered with patchiness from his virus with fluid on top from pneumonia. He has a serious lung/trach infection that would be difficult for anyone to fight let alone a baby in his condition. At that point we were told that the next 12 hours were critical and would give us an idea as to which direction this course of his care would go. He was sedated indefinately and put on very high ventillator settings so that he could rest and let the vent do the work for him. We were told that if things took a turn for the worst that they had nitric oxide and an oscillator nearby to give him even more support. Fortunately he got through the first night without needing it and so far has been able to maintain his sats on the vent alone. We don't know how things will go from here but we are just taking it day by day. After 8 months of living this nightmare and analyzing it every which way, blogging my feelings and crying them out in hysteria, numbing them with anti-anxieties, finding a happy balance with how well Cam is doing... then feeling guilty for how well he is doing while Brody gets worse, laughing about inappropriate things because there is just no other response at this point, having actual nightmares and sleepless nights, felt like my heart was literaly ripped out of my chest...I am finally speechless. We have done everything on this earth and fought so hard for our kids and now we just have to leave it to Brody to fight this infection and get the hell out of the hospital eventually. I feel tortured when I have to leave him but also that I'm depriving Cameron of the fun baby stuff when I'm sitting by Brody's bedside as he sleeps through his sedation. I don't really know where my place is and my balance is way off. I live for these boys alone and Brett and I would give our own health, any amount of money, home, limbs anything for them to be alright.

Prayers, positive energy, love, support... whoever, whatever you believe in... send it Brody and Cameron's way please.

All of our love for all of your support through this time... keep it coming!