NICU-itis!

I was starting to enter this zone of the alone. All of the fun of shower was 2 months ago now (2 months!), the boys room has been done for week, their drawers filled with clothes they have already grown out of, and toys are together and placed throughout the house. We have seen 3 rounds or more of babies come and go from the nicu and everyone else is getting on with their lives. The boys are still having serious issues and there is no end really in sight. I am having a severe case of NICU-itis and feel like I'm jumping out of my skin. I feel like our boys are getting lost in the mix and have spent the last few days fighting once again for them to get the care and attention that they need. Brody intially got better after the surgery but since back at Abington his throat problems are back.  After identifying what I thought caused the problem we are now waiting for the swelling to hopefully go down again. He is getting scoped in the OR Tuesday again and if he is a candidate for laser they will try to give his airway some relief that way. We are just at a loss with him...I have spent all of my energy trying to figure out tricks to make him more comfortable. His healing from here is what it is.I have done all that I can.  I am hoping that the recent decrease in Cam's feeding volume and the addition of Mylicon gas relief drops will get him more comfortable, reduce his reflux and get him on the road to eating on his own. Transfers are always a nightmare and unfortunately due to the poor communication between practitioners and facilities, the boys are the ones who suffer. Let's just say that with all of this going on approaching 44 weeks... I have lost it...beyond lost it.

Then today my first NICU friends stopped in to see me. Barb, Rasheen and Yvonne all have their little munchkins at home yet had the time to stop by to see me. Unfortunately I couldn't interrupt Cam's feeding as he finally got on a roll to see them but they left me a goodie bag. Each item was so thoughtful and made me cry as I opened one after another. It was perfect timing to be reminded that we are thought of. Brett and I have been pretty closed off from the world for 5.5 months now. We have watched seasons change yet still the routine remains. Sleeping/eating/functioning has not gotten any easier as today is just as stressful as the first days after they were born... correction-more stressful. The baby weight is far gone (and a lot more) and the pumping came to an end this week due to stress.

Again we had a big breakdown yesterday and today pulled ourselves back together and went and held our babies. Cam actually took 2 decent size feedings in a row and Brody's stridor (the noises he makes because of his small airway) was quiet while he was happy on daddy's lap. There is something about when it's just the four of us and the doors to our room are closed and it is calm. It is the cure to healing my soul and I hope that sense of calm repairs the boys too.

I love you Brody and Cameron-you are my life.